first of all let me just say Pork Chop.

Yeah

that's what I smelled like when I walked in late for the Eileen Myles reading tonight.

I was a bit horrified, the smell wafted, I never eat such a meal, but the flat mate and I made a special dinner for David. "Farm Dinner" we called it, Brooke and I had imagined the "All American Meal". Yep Pan Fired pork chops, corn, green beans, bread and mashed potatoes, it was a carb junkies wet dream, and the girls delivered. But it was a little late so I had to run to the reading at Modern Times. I sat listening, like a school girl, impressed with myself for reading the lesson ahead of time. Eileen signed a few of my books, while I made an ass out of myself, then I promptly left.
Let's not go into detail here, I was smelling like a pork chop, the damage was done.
Walked outside, I'm a block from the bar.
Kate, let's go over....
okay, just one drink.
Low and behold, the flat mate who hates the Lex, is there. I order a double and try to relax. Myles walks in and there is nothing clever left to say, so I give the regrettable smile and nod.
Soon everyone shows up, not the close friends, they all have jobs, but the other ones, the ones I love to see out on a good night, who I only know by association, who keep the drinks from ever get watered down. I am surrounded, and suddenly everything just seems really artificially happy, but I am not complaining. This is nice. The bar gets crowded, I am talking to Kal, Brooke's business partner, we're laughing about something and then in walks that River, ambling past the bar.

Okay slight side note. I have this crush. I am a crush kind of girl. I've had this stifling crush on a woman, and I don't known her name, but I've been crushed on her ever since october... of last year. Oh Yeah, and I think I've seen her like four times, but when I have a crush I have a crush. It's ridiculous I know, I gave her a nick name, and my friends look for her when they go out, it's totally 8th grade, but as you can tell by my tenacity, things don't move too fast in this lil' world o' mine, oh but shit! There she is.
Now up to this point Brooke thought "River" was just a myth, and immediately became disappointed in me, she knew I wouldn't just walk up to her, dude she was surrounded by like six of her friends and is totally stunning!
"No", I said, slugging my third bourbon. Which wasn't helping because she's stone sober, 5'10", dark curly hair, blue eyes, with a smile...oh "Fuck-I-can't-stand'it"

The evening drags on, some stranger lures me to the pool table. I win, because I've got the unanswerable question to end all! On and on it goes, and when finally I notice she is leaving, Brooke grabs me, "you need to watch me smoke", "Okay". I obey.
As planned River walks out after me, she says goodbye to her friends. While I am fidigeting away in last ditch effort I assess the evening. "Um has she even looked at me this evening?"
There, there it is again!
Then turns and walks away, alone.
This is when I really hate being single.
Subtlety, I amble towards her, at a full sprint and meet her half way across Valencia.
And what is my oh so charming first line? [ hmmm you east coasters will have to wait til like 3 pm to find out, I'm going to bed.]