Lately I've been feeling a bit mean and that just makes me horney.
Sometimes, when I am patient, I get to see through my hypersensitive eyes. Observation is set on keen. Night vision, if only I could stay there long enough, I'd get it. But once I place words to it, it slips away. The words left don't make a sentence. I imagine this is what a free fall feels like. To imagine the footing, doesn't make it there. This reminds me of the dreams I've has since I was a little girl. They were semi-conscious dreams which I could never describe, they'd loose their substance once consciousness began to form a meaning. When I was 17 I was finally able to 'hang', and really explore the vision and describe them to myself later. This didn't necessarily give me power over them, in fact I'd lost them for many years after that, but it did enhance a form of concentration I've never felt in the conscious world.
I asked my mother what the "dreams" were. (I thought everyone had them, I thought they were as common as dreaming.)
she didn't know
(To define these correctly. I am not asleep when the sensation takes me, but I am in a very relaxed state, I've never woken to one of these. The "dreams" are visual, physical, and very three dimensional.)
Darrell ask me if I was afraid of them.
the dreams took control of my limbs and I'd feel paralyzed sometimes, sometimes I'd feel like I'd shrunk to the size of a baby, frozen. No, I was not afraid of them, I've experienced them for as long as I can remember.
How many are there?
I think 5
what are they?
Not sure, though I am open to suggestions. Once I thought they were newborn memory, unaffected by nurturing, or social imprint.
I guess I bringing this up, because they have surfaced again, just as intense as before, just as I've described them, but what has changed, is that I have them when I am awake now, and I hope they are here to enhance this concentration.