The guest book at the cabin I stayed at was full of this
"Renewed and rejuvenated, ready to get back to the city a changed person."
mm-kay, one thing I know I am not.
I don't understand this anymore. How do people go to the mountains and in the two days they are there, feel nature has given them a "dose of medicine" which readies them for "the real world". Isn't that like fucking for virginity? Is there some subliminal National Parks message which is pumped through Smokey the Bear's dumb brown nose, which states that if you go to the mountains you will return a changed person. Ask the Donner Party. I'll tell you I did change, changed right out of my clothes that smelled like wood fire and horse shit. No. I am just saying I am tired of listening to quick remedies and avoidance for really important stuff.

I never got to the breathing part while I was there.
and it wasn't the cabin's fault.
This little place is as quaint as one can possibly imagine. I walk into my little home for the next few days stomping off the dust onto missmatched rugs. It's like a girl clubhouse, little trinket girly things everywhere, which are similar to the driving directions I got.

The road is called Black Bart but there's no sign for it yet.  If you get to Willits you've gone too far and should backtrack until you learn the alternative way to get there. Tip for driving on back roads:  There are lots of driveways that look like roads. Don't be fooled.  Use your intuition and stick to the "larger" roads. There are actually very few turns to make but it can feel like a lot.

Hilarious, but cute, in an obnoxious Tom Robbins kind of way. Inside the cabin there is a small wooden desk and a picture window facing the back yard of Willits, "The Pot Capital of the World". Rolling hills, and a pasture with two horses grazing. The cabin is about 15 feet wide the second floor is a simple bed room, folded up fouton and not much else. It had to be accessed by a ladder, which was really fun for the dog. Dogs learn trust.
The wood burning stove had my attention all weekend, keeping the coals going meant occasional trips back to the cabin to toss another log and stir. Gas stove and HOT water.
I likes
Chopping fire wood
Socializing, which was quite wonderful because it was on my time. I'd just head to the upper cabin and visit the Hosts for a while then go back to my solitude
Reading
Hikes
Thinking
Eating beef stew. I've never made beef stew before, it was so good! Secret, pan fry sweet/potatoes, onions other roots first so they have crispy skins, then take a
bath out on the back deck at sunset.

Realized something really poignant this weekend
I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO MYSELF
So that's a foot stomping tantrum I get to work out everyday for a while.
Basic
Meditation
I don't want what I haven't got
things started breaking down as programmed, but it was all really sporadic, I wasn't looking for any big conclusions or life affirming conversations with the spider that lived in the sink. But on the second night, which was pre-snow storm I remembered something I hadn't thought of for a long time.
I'd turned away from God