let's think for a moment that your reply got lost in the pool of spam
hotmail is neither hot nor mail.

Last night I leafed through blue pages looking for a shrink. Maybe if I'm suicidal I can talk to a college student intern for like 15 minutes for free. Emergency service has office hours, what a bummer.
The twist of it all is that I'm super happy too, and when reminded to be still, instead of thinking of the reasons I can't, I just do.
like I said, I'm not feeling any better

Speaking of being still
I want to write a lot more.
I want to write because this morning I accicentaly said, thoughts passing, breath expiring, walking up the hill, "communication is so evasive." I listen to people talk and I am amazed at the copacity. It should probably be a bit more equal, I should kick, and stretch and take up space, but that feels like a game to me, and lately I've noticed everything. Push button responses, the knee jerk reactions, if one doesn't react, if one doesh't react. Is that closer to being nothing? This isn't death, though passivity to some is it's own beast. If I could avoid the distraction of my solar plexus bumping into my wallet, I could actually tell you if this is all bull shit.