Deirdre and Lucy met me on the hill. yesterday's clothes meet dragon stomping Buddha.
Deirdre, I detect a spring in your step, why for?
I just dropped out of paramedic school I want to be an artist.
Holy shit that's fantastic! (she had 6 weeks of school left, I've only known her as a crazed medical student, so the glimmer and fuzzy hair suddenly seemed like her display of this new gorgeous celebration.)
All these shenanigans, people make up their minds everyday
So yesterday I went to this Career Counselor/head shirker.
Okay lesson number 1.
Dude, don't tell everything at once, try for one problem/solution at a time. Melt downs are not productive.
melt downs are not productive melt downs are not productive melt downs are not productive melt downs are not productive.
Painted Brows tole me I had to find Denny. At the time this seemed really logical. Yes find Denny and say good bye, or buy him back, but don't leave broken hearted. PB tole me, wait, should consolers be telling me anything? That I need write down the things that are important to my living, and stuff. That Denny is one of them and that I shouldn't be a victim, are you a victim kate? She tole me that my parents never built me a foundation, seen' as nobody in my family ever pursued what they studied, ie their own passions, that I should not go down that road and I should find Denny because he's part of this. Okay. I wanted to hear something that I could trust, really trust, and crunch in my mind, instead I'm told to go to Turlock, California, a week before I move to New York, and find sweet Denny. This is when I want to be private, this is when I want no one to know deep seeded passions of me, because really I can't handle the help, not on a $150 an hour session. Is she telling me this to fufill her own vicariously lived passions? Or is she telling me because it's the next step in her book. PB did get me out of this sleep I ritually put myself into. True: This slumber makes me miserable, and I don't fix it. I lived with Junkies in New York, and thought myself crazy. I lived in Chicago and never put to memory another aquaintences phone number, I lived in Denver my home town, and never let my feet touch the ground. Now I'm here. I've pathetically put out little feelers, I loved Denny all on my own, I loved jd and zoe, these things singed, naturally. No worse. If I don't try harder, be bigger, I'll just be lost. (I remember consiously admitting to running away when I moved back to New York five years ago.)

The whole messy point is. I don't want to continue this pattern. All this messy sloppy figuring is me, (call me grace), trying to chart the previous patterns so I can avoid them. [that sounds like the srink but it's not, i dunno maybe i heard it on that new Donohue show]. So before I go running off to New York I'll put some things together, New York doesn't need another runaway.
No matter how elated she'd be to be there.