My dog has officially freaked out.
He saw me packing
Today he put his head on my stomach, he must have felt the nervous cavern, because he looked very sympathetic. He walked up the hill with me, like the good boy he is, we watched all the other dogs bawl and blast past. Then I went to work. The room mate's phone call. Simon's torn apart a flour bag, a tin of coca, and took a shit in her room. Dude. Simon. You poor thing, you just gotta be brave for me. okay.

Truth is I am freaking out, I handle stress as well as I resist chocolate cake. Ruth Ann and Lavern are pulling at me to stay. Stay just a little longer, why are you leaving? stay. please stay. These are all reasonable requests, and I feel both realities diffuse and gyrate. But the truth is I am not an Atom to be split, I'm Kate Triple Gemini. Wishes to stay and wishes to go. This is the one life, What Would Jesus Do?
(pro)When I get to New York everything will be fine.
(con)No, that's not realistic.
(pro)When I get there I will not be here.
(con)Yeah. I would. It seems too soon. I should not leave in 12 days, it's too fucking soon. [I thought about this before I met Lavern, I wanted to stay at least until october, but I am just saying this because this is my on going debate in my head.]

(con)This means giving up my sublet in NY
(pro)It took you two days to get that sublet.
(con)what makes me think I can just pull another sublet out of thin air down the road
(pro) totally irrelevant.
(con) your friends will think you insane
(pro)that's a given, but you shouldn't go snapping to decisions like that. (con) um, you'd have had our bags packed if it wasn't for that meddling Vern.
(pro) dude.
(con) So where you gonna stay in sf?
(pro) irrelevant
(con) just a reminder, you'd totally love new york right now
(pro) yeah, I would.