I liked the poetry last night, a libretto by Eileen Miles
hell
she was as animated as all hell
All: we liked it, we liked it a lot
Afterwards I introduced myself and waited for the rain to let up to go smoke outside
the smoking ban begins
May 1
We walked to the train
I stopped the conversation for the mandatory pee break then, waiting outside the restaurant, for the hypoglycemic attack.
I wanted your full attention and I can hear you much better over a bag of chips than the faint feeling in my limbs
The three of us head to the Metropolitan
Conversations about Kobain, the Gambler, Patti Smith, and conservative reasoning
I couldn't support that one
I mean
The music was playing a bit too loud it was a bar, so I was trapped in Old depeche Mode records. I couldn't hear the defense, but I’d probably be too polite anyway. Talking to these two is one of my most favorite bar activities. They're in love so the arguments are really fast, like they allready know what's to be said, they're simply translating it for me, or maybe they like the heated friction of their words, everyone gets worked up until one says, "or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass". It’s great.

Hey you two, can I please go walk the dogs around the Vermont hotel a few more times? Yes, sure, great.

Now I'm admiring the shedding of city frocks and scarves and smiling at all the new leaves on old trees. I’m glad I noticed this on my day off.
I’m working too hard. I spend 11 hours a day 6 days a week polishing clear acrylic. My mind goes everywhere, much like this. At work I see a ghost, partly because I am so tired, I can't tune anything out.
I don't mind the ghost, though the people I mention him to seem totally disturbed. I'm pretty broken down from all the thoughts raising about, so stuff is just coming into my vision, red dots, ghosts, voices, it streams in like a tuning radio.
I really don't care. It's this crazy world folks, it happens all the time, odds, fate, coincidence, psychic disturbances. Need I remind you? Babies are dying! I'm just Kate.

Sunday.
I was really happy to borrow the car today. I drove to Dumbo to meet up with my friend.
I need a pair of sunglasses
Really expensive ones, that look like the continuation of my face.
Dave thought I was Hawaiian, so maybe a pair of Oakleys.
No, Dave I'm a Hillbilly. I need some hillbilly sunglasses. I bet a pair of 1983 Pilot Raybans would fit the imageI'm going for.
Pulling off the BQE I put the muffler deprived Escort in park in front of the hydrant and buzz one of the rigged bells attached to plywood. The wad of Rupunzle's hair managed to ring all the way to the seventh floor.
His head pops out to assure I've been received.
wait
after getting off the BQE and rolling over cobble I notice a man and a horse beneath the Manhattan bridge enjoying libations with his equestrian friends. you know me
my heart
skips
and I'm in Brooklyn
We drive past the quarter-draft
I park
I greet
They've rode from prospect park, or was it eldorado?
There's a place for me to ride now
here
I tip my hat, not really
maybe it was my heart
or maybe he saw my spirit flip
anyway
I walk away with horse sweat on my hands
in Brooklyn

At the early dinner
diner
we talk about his date the night before, a business proposition, the horse, the sunshine
halibut steak with lemon chutney an artichoke heart and a Gimlet
by the second drink we're uncontrollably smiling and I feel my heart on the right path
I don't tell him this
I’d been wondering if I could love him as well as I wanted to
but not just him
just open up to all my closest and let them in
Finally.
I've just not had the home, perhaps, to entertain such comforts
but there on the deck I did
my dear friend
Sometimes I fear wrong intentions are displayed
that if I tell you I love you, you don't actually see my heart
that you only see possession
It's a small circle
I'll show you my home
Then you'll know where I am coming from

the evening continues
we stop at a half furnished apartment and smoke on a deck which he hadn't noticed when he signed the lease
it’s the illustrious fire escape
I'm in Brooklyn
he's excited about his extra 10 square feet of space
we smoke a cigarette as the last of today ends
I hug him then kiss him,
I step from the veranda, through the window and over the radiator
we sit in the dark
kind of gleed
he walks over and kisses me
I’ve never let this happen before
There were times when a drunk goodbye kiss lasted a bit too long and I leave confused. but this time I let him.
a. he'd just gone on a date with this woman I am really happy he’s seeing and knew he was pretty happy about it too.
b. we were in his new apartment and initiation is initation, so if not me it would have been someone else for sure, or maybe not, and then maybe not would just make this another move and not very spring like, not a very inspiring or great new beginning at all. So I kissed him back
c. it was an, it's been five years of knowing my friend, sort of kiss.
d. as far as I know, it was just a kiss.