I want to be alone
The kind where being with friends is love
Listening to my own thoughts is not a fucking battlefield.
The ice cream truck outside my window is on repeat.
I didn’t notice the silent dull of white Bushwick noise until the last harsh thought bounced out the front door for groceries taking too the rare moment of alone.
Suddenly its noisy and cold again, and no cigarettes.
perpetuation
I'm back where I started from, yet fully aware of what I need to change. I don't speak because I want silence more than anything. I wish I didn't, rather I wish my silence was abundant. This is my distraction. I'm swimming in it. I choose it, again! This is what I live in and what my mind body and spirit battles against. okay. shhhhh. This is what I have to fix. That house in the woods leaves everything to follow, but I’m not there yet.
Reading is my silence, there is no time for follow through. All this is jumbled because there is no time to pull the loose threads and watch things fall to place. There's not much more time for this. So yea, I need a place of my own. My dog even knows my speed, he can stay in the sun window and watch me think of taking him to the beach. Okay I know this now, don't let this slip into another revolution of the circle. It stops here.
There are so many truthful things to say.