Not long ago, about the time i moved into my neighborhood. I met a man who was decidedly very annoyed at the way I walked my dog. A newcomer, and used to walking my dog off leash, he was perturbed that I would do such a thing. Anyway he was bigger than me so when he started yelling at me and following me while yelling and stopping in front of my door to continue yelling. I got pretty intimidated, yelled something back and actually never had my dog off the leash after that. We glared at each other for a good many months, maybe years after then one day he caught me with my dog off the leash. I laughed, I couldn't help it. Oddly enough so did he. We became outside acquaintances and mostly talked about my dying truck and dogs. Then this morning he walks up to me, He is large, as I said, and wears a patch over his eye, he's also a landlord with a thick accent. Out of nowhere he asks. So what are we going to tell him?
Excuse me?
he stammered, your phone number, can I have it?
I am pathetic in these types of situations. To anyone else they could brush this off with either aggression, understanding or humor. I am a seven year old girl who's talking to strangers, "see what this gets you!" I let out an uncomfortable laugh and walked away. I am stunted in growth when it comes to older men. When they let me down as humans I feel terrible. it may have been nothing I don't know.

Earlier, before I walked the dog, I was driving over to Williamsburg and there was this other man in a Mercedes who I almost hit because he didn't want to back up for some container truck that was backing up on a one way street in front of us. The guy conducting the movement of traffic was very quiet and not terribly motivated to do his work, but asked me nicely to move. Mercedes got out of his suv and pulled out his cell phone, you would have thought it was a gun he was acting so out of control. You could see his righteous indignation, like this serf was forcing him to obey such an unreasonable command. Mike and I watched in disbelief.

I was thinking about this while cutting the holly branches off our tree in the back yard It was a consolatory wreath for mike because I was mad at him before the Mercedes incident. I felt terrible and wondered why people were being so hard to each other? I felt worse thinking of the puffed out chests and the timid. I am so tired of it and I am so both of those people. I want to be neither. I wanted to go away from all this but knew that was not the solution. I asked for strength but was told to forgive myself. The holly wreath cut my hands, I think I'm coming down with something, I'm tired of my fighting this cold as well. Where did this day come from? all I want is to be peaceful like snowfall, and wish the ice caps would not melt. It's hard to see with all these trappings but that is mine to see.